Tapping Script for Healing from the Loss of a Child

As is the case with all of my tapping scripts, the statements below can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. Also, you may notice that when you start tapping on one of these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then use as new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

Here are the tapping statements:

I refuse to accept that my baby passed away.

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My child died and I will never get over it--I'll be grieving for the rest of my life.

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My baby died and I'll never get to see him/her again.

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My baby died and I didn't get to say goodbye to him/her.

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I don't know how to go on without my child.

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I don't want to go on without my child.

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I wish there was something I could have done to save my baby.

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I should have done more to keep my child safe.

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I should have done more to save my child's life.

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If I had only done __________________, my child would not have died.

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If I had only not ________________________, my baby would still be here.

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I would give anything to have my baby back.

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I don't understand why God took my baby from me.

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It's not fair that my child died.

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I had unfinished business with my son/daughter, and now I'll never get to resolve things with him/her.

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I'm consumed with grief and no one knows how to relate to me.

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I wish I had been able to protect my baby and keep him/her alive, but in the end, there was nothing I could do, and it made me feel so powerless.

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People want me to heal and move on, but I can't, and I wish people would just understand that and let me be.

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I should have been a better mother, and now it's too late.

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I'm angry at God/Life/The Universe for taking our child from us.

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I will be heartbroken over the death of my child for the rest of my life.

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No one understands what I'm going through and it's really lonely for me.

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There is no way to escape the pain I'm in.

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I feel like this is just a terrible nightmare and I just want to wake up.

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Since my baby died I’m living my worst nightmare every single day, and there is no end in sight.

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I don’t want to go on without my son/daughter.

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It’s not fair that my child’s life was taken when he/she was so young.

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I don’t understand how a loving God could let someone’s child die.

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The pain I’m in is so overwhelming that I can’t function.

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I miss my baby so much—it’s all I can think about.

Tapping Script to Heal from Losing Your Mother

As with all of my tapping scripts, these statements can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. You may notice that when you start tapping on these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

For a downloadable PDF of this tapping script, click here.

Here are the tapping statements: 

I'm overwhelmed with sadness because my mother died.

My mother died and I'll never get to see her again.

My mother died and I didn't get to say goodbye.

I wish I could have had more time with my mom.

My mom died and when I have kids she'll never get to meet them.

I wish there was something I could have done to save my mom.

I should have tried harder to save my mom.

I'm angry at God for taking my mother away from us.

My mom died when I was a kid and I had to grow up without her.

I would give anything to have my mom back.

I wish I could see my mom one last time and tell her how much I love her.

There are so many things I wish I'd said to my mom before she died.

No one will ever love me as much as my mom did.

I really miss my mom and I wish she was still here.

I'll always be sad about losing my mom.

I'm sad that my mom died before I got married.

My mom didn't live long enough to see her kids grow up, and that makes me really sad.

I wish my mom had lived long enough to realize her dreams.

I should have been a better daughter/son, and now it's too late.

The holidays are really hard without my mom.

I'm sad that my kids won't get to know my mom.

I'm sad that my mom never got to know my kids.

My mom loved me more than anyone else, and I really miss that kind of affection and support.

I wish my mom could be here to see what I've accomplished.

I still need my mom, but she's gone, and sometime that makes me feel like I have no one to turn to.

Sometimes when the phone rings, I think it's my mom, and then I remember it couldn't be, and the loss hits me all over again.

I'm really sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom before she died.

I wish my mom could have had a longer life--there was still so much she wanted to do, and I'm sad that she didn't get to.

My mom was the one I could always turn to for advice and support, and now that she's gone, I feel really alone.

I still can't believe that my mom is gone--it's like it won't sink in.

What's a Tapping Script?

A tapping script is a list of statements you can use when you're giving yourself an EFT session. One of the things I hear the most often from my clients is that when they're tapping on their own between sessions with me (which is optional, not required!), they don't know what to say. That's why tapping scripts can be so helpful. When you're using a script, just read it over, and notice how each statement makes you feel. Does the statement have an emotional charge for you? Do you feel sad, distressed, angry, or hurt when you read it? If so, that's a good statement for you to tap on, because it brings up a part of you that is hurt and in need of healing.  

When you're using a tapping script, you don't have to use all of the statements that feel charged for you. Just use the ones you feel drawn to. When you've tapped that one down to zero or near zero, move on to another statement. You can use another statement from the script, or you can use a statement that may have come to you while you were tapping out a previous statement. Just go with what feels right to you, and remember that there is no wrong way to do it. Take it easy, be gentle with yourself, and trust the process. As long as you are focused on something that is painful to you while you are tapping, healing is taking place. 

The statements in the scripts offered here can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. You may notice that when you start tapping on these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

How to Use EFT for First-Aid

Did you know that EFT is great for first aid? Just create a tapping statement out of the incident and injury, and tap until the pain, redness, swelling, brusing, and/or blistering begins to subside. I've used it successfully for emerging black eyes (and other large bruises), bee stings, deep cuts (pain stopped and cuts healed very quickly, within hours rather than days), burns, poison oak (itching and inflammation subsides while tapping), sprains, broken bones (pain relief after doctor visit), and more. I've seen burn blisters, bruises, and severe pain disappear within minutes. 

Here are some example tapping statements: 

"I fell and injured my arm."

"I got stung by a bee and it's inflamed and painful."

"I accidentally cut myself and now I have this painful gash."

"I got hit with a football and now I'm getting a black eye."

"Painful blister from burning my hand on the skillet."

When she was 11, my daughter cut herself so badly in woodworking class that not one but two of the other children in class threw up when they saw all the blood. A classmate  immediately did some tapping for her (yes, an 11-year-old who knew how to do EFT!), and I did more when I picked her up from school. After we finished tapping, she removed the bandage to show me the cuts, and they had healed so much that she had trouble finding them. Amazing, but true. We were both completely blown away.

Using EFT is not meant to be a substitute for medical care, but it can really speed up the healing process, and in some instances, make further treatment unnecessary.

How to Use EFT to Remove the Pain from Painful Memories

Are you hurting about an event from your past and are not quite sure how to release it with EFT? Here's an easy to follow list of steps to guide you through the process:

1) Name the memory. For example: My girlfriend cheated on me.

2) Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory.

3) Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement. In this example, it would be, "Even though my girlfriend cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

4) Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point.

5) Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My girlfriend cheated on me."

6) Tap through all the points one more time, while repeating the statement at each point. 

7) Now that you've tapped through the points twice, ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now? Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement. For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

8) At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement. Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one. Remember, you can always save the new statement for later. Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

9) Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My girlfriend cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it. You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already noticed it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory. The umbrella in the example here is "My girlfriend cheated on me." Other examples might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced." 

Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, sometimes this can be done in one tapping session, and other times it takes multiple sessions). So the beginning of the thread in this example is whatever the name of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of the memory that's ready to be released. Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told. Or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food that was cooking when the infidelity was discovered, or a song that was playing.  As these appear, just tap them out until they're neutral.  Soon you will have found and released every aspect of the painful memory, and it will no longer be painful, it will just be a memory, and you will be at peace with it.

Using Photos with EFT to Heal from Loss

One of the things I hear the most often from people who are new to EFT is that they don't know how to come up with effective tapping statements. Remember: the way that EFT works is by focusing on the issue while tapping. The tapping statements are simply a tool to keep you focused on the issue. One of the easiest ways to bring your feelings to the surface to be tapped out and released is to look at a picture of the person you're upset about it. 

So if, for example, you're grieving the loss of your husband, look at a picture of him and notice how you feel. What thoughts and feelings arise as you look at his face? Use whatever answers come to you in response to that question as tapping statements. For example: "When I look at his face, I feel so sad that he's gone. I can't believe I'll never get to see him or laugh with him again. I'm so sad that he won't get to see our kids grow up. I'm so sad that our kids lost their dad."

As you continue to look at the picture, ask yourself, "What do I miss the most about this person?" Then turn your answer to this question into tapping statements. If you lost your husband, looking a picture of him might bring up thoughts and feelings like: "I really miss the way he looked at me. No one will ever love me like that again. We were supposed to grow old together. I'll never get over this." Just take each of these, one by one, and tap them through. 

Grief doesn't have to last forever, though it's a common belief that it does and should. Grief is about mourning what we've lost, and releasing our attachment to it, not carrying the pain of that loss for the rest of our lives. I think that the reason for this widely held belief about the permanency of grief is that more often than not, it gets stuck in the body, and needs some way to be released. That's why EFT is so effective in healing grief. It unlocks the body, where the pain is stored, and clears it out. It is so simple, gentle, and quick. Grief that has been carried for decades can be released in one session, permanently. Poof!

While you're looking at a picture of your lost loved one, keep in mind that you can use the set-up where you feel it's necessary or helpful, or tap without it. Usually, though using a set-up statement is often very healing in and of itself, the tapping works just fine without it.

As you continue to use EFT to release your feelings of loss and sadness, you'll notice that looking at pictures of that person will feel lighter and lighter. The pain of grief will no longer overshadow your love for this person, and the gratitude you feel for having had them in your life. Until you reach a point where you really feel free of emotional pain when you think about the person you lost, you can use pictures as a kind of a litmus test to let you know where you are in your grieving process. Do you feel at peace when you look at this person? Or do feelings of sadness, anger, regret, or guilt come up? If painful emotions like these do arise, just tap them out. 

Though it can feel like your grief is infinite, there is an end to it. Think of it as being a glass of water. Every time you tap some of your grief away, it's like pouring out a little of the water, and that water is gone for good. The more you tap, the sooner that glass of grief will be empty.

Five Things You Need to Give Yourself a Great EFT Session

Once you've learned the basics of EFT, you can give yourself a great (even life-changing) tapping session. However, oftentimes, when people set out to use EFT on their own, they just tap for a few minutes here and there when they're stressed-out, without giving themselves what they need to really go in-depth and get to the root of the issues that are causing them to suffer. Here are five things to ensure that the time you spend tapping is as healing as possible.

1. A Room of One's Own

Virginia Woolf really was onto something with this (and if she'd had EFT, perhaps her life would have turned out differently). When it's time to tap, make sure you have a comfortable place to sit or lie down where you won't be interrupted. Treat this time as you would any other appointment. In other words, this time is set aside for a certain purpose, and you are not available for anything else. Since this is an appointment with yourself, you don't have to schedule it ahead of time (though that wouldn't be a bad idea), but in every other regard, treat it as you would your calendared commitments.

2. The Sound of Silence

Turn off your phones (cell, landline, office phone, whatever). This is your time to heal. Would you want phones ringing (or any interruptions) while you were in a session with an EFT practitioner? The last thing you need when you're halfway through tapping out an EFT breakthrough is for your phone to ring.

3. Kleenex 

Get a box of tissues and put it next to where you'll be sitting. If you're really not a crier, meaning there is absolutely no chance you'll cry during your session, then skip this part, but if there's any possibility that tears will flow as you're tapping, best to be prepared so that you don't have to stop the flow of your session to get up for tissues.

4. Water 

Get a glass of water and put it next to where you'll be sitting. The body uses a lot of water during and after an EFT session, and the tapping isn't as effective if you're dehydrated, so be sure to drink a bit before you start and have some on hand if you get thirsty during the session. Almost all of my clients get thirsty during their sessions, and having water at the ready ensures that the tapping will be effective and the session will be as uninterrupted as possible.

5. Timer

Set a timer for 30 minutes. You can do more than 30 if you want, but it's not necessary. You'll be amazed by how much you can clear in a half-hour. If you don't want to do 30 minutes, do 20. Less than that could put you in the suboptimal position of your timer going off just when you feel like you've really gotten to a deep place with your tapping.

EFT is the most powerful healing modality I know of, but it only works if you do it, and it only works really well if you really do it, by giving yourself a real session. If you do this once a week, after one month, you will be amazed by how much you have healed and transformed in such a short time. And if you're really serious about this, give it a year, and watch the miracles unfold!

If you have questions or comments about this article, please post them in the comments section below. 

The Power of Doing EFT on Wishes and Wants

One of the best ways to identify parts of ourselves that need healing is to work with wishes and wants. Let's say you're giving yourself a session about your relationship with your partner. You're upset about a fight that you had, and want to clear out as much painful emotion and as many limiting beliefs as possible, but you're feeling stuck about exactly what to tap on. Ask yourself this: "If I could have anything in my relationship with my partner, what would it be? What do I WISH would happen here?" Be sure to allow yourself the inner spaciousness to receive answers that you think are impossible. 

Remember, EFT is not about what's possible, and it's not about facts, it's about your emotional truth, and if that truth hurts, tapping it out. So if your emotional truth is: "I wish my wife would appreciate how hard I work to support our family" and when you say that out loud (or just think it), you experience an emotional charge, then that is a good statement for you to tap on. 

Simply asking yourself the question "What do I wish would happen in this situation?" enables you to identify a place inside yourself that hurts and needs healing, and this can lead to other powerful tapping statements, such as, "My wife will never appreciate how hard I work to support our family." So once you've tapped out the first statement about wishing she would appreciate you down to zero or close to zero, if the similar statement "She'll never appreciate how hard I work..." stil has a charge to it, then tap on that next. Most likely, the session will continue to unfold organically like that, with one statement naturally leading to another and then another. However, if it doesn't and you find yourself getting stuck, just ask yourself the same question: What do I wish would happen here? 

If the word "wish" doesn't resonate with you about a particular issue, then use the word "want", and ask yourself "What do I want in this situation?" or "What do I want from this person?" Then notice the thread that emerges when the answers to those questions arise within you, and follow it until you feel that you feel that the issue you're tapping on is totally healed, or until you've tapped out and healed as much as you can in the time you've allotted yourself for the session.

Working with wishes and wants works just as well for the past circumstances, like your childhood, as it does for aspects of your life that are still going on in the present, like your current relationships. For example, if you're working to heal the from the childhood trauma of your parents splitting up, ask yourself: "What do I wish had happened in this situation?" Perhaps your answer would be: "I wish my parents had never gotten a divorce", or "I wish my parents had had a happy marriage." Then you notice how you feel when you say or think these statements, and if it hurts, tap on it until it doesn't hurt anymore.

This way of using EFT has five basic steps: 

1) Ask yourself one of the following questions: What do I wish had happened? What do I wish would happen? What do I wish I had in this situation? What do I really want? If I could have anything in this situation/relationship/job/etc., what would it be?

2) Notice whatever answers are coming to you in response to that question

3) Ask yourself: How do I feel when I speak or think these answers? 

4) Tap out any answer that hurts when you think or say it out loud.  

5) Follow the thread that emerges, tapping as you go, i.e. notice how one tapping statement naturally leads to another and then another.  If you get stuck, ask yourself one of the questions from above.

An important thing to note is that we're not tapping on wishes and wants to make them go away, we're tapping on them because they hurt. So after you tap down a "wish statement" to neutral or nearly neutral, you may still have that wish, only it won't hurt anymore when you think about it. Again, this is all about your emotional truth, and your healing. Wishes and wants are wonderful things, and they're even more wonderful when they're not causing pain inside you!

Asking yourself about wishes and wants is a great way to begin any EFT session, and it can also be a really helpful tool to reach for when you're already in the middle of a session and you're not sure what to tap on next. We all have wishes and wants inside us, and identifying them can be a very effective way to discover the parts of ourselves that are hurting and ready to be healed.

If you have questions or comments about this article, please post them in the comments section below.