Tapping Script for Relationship Issues

As is the case with all tapping scripts, these statements can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. Also, you may notice that when you start tapping on one of these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time, bringing you both peace and clarity about whatever it is that's causing you to suffer.

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​Here are the tapping statements:

I’m upset because my partner and I had a fight.

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I feel hopeless because my partner and I seem to be speaking different languages and neither of us can understand each other.

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My partner isn’t listening to me and it’s really frustrating/aggravating/hurtful.

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I don’t know what I did to upset my partner—I’m really at a loss here, and it’s scary.

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I don’t want to fight with my partner, but we keep doing things that upset each other and I’m afraid that all of this conflict will be the end of us.

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My partner really hurt my feelings but I don’t want to tell him/her because I’m afraid he/she won’t understand.

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I’m really sad that my partner and I have been fighting; I wish we could just be happy and peaceful together.

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My partner is so sensitive; I feel like I have to work really hard just to keep from upsetting him/her.

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It seems like my partner really doesn’t care about my feelings, and I can’t stay in a relationship like that.

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When my partner does/says ___________________________, I feel like he/she doesn’t really love me.

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I feel really alone because my partner and I had a fight and now our connection seems broken.

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I’m really angry at my partner because ______________________________.

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I feel terrible because I said something really hurtful to my partner.

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I feel guilty because I lost my temper with my partner.

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When my partner and I fight, it makes me feel really sad and afraid.

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I’m afraid my partner and I will never be able to overcome the issues that we have as a couple, and that makes me really sad.

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I don’t understand why my partner does/says _________________________, and it’s really confusing and upsetting for me.

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When my partner gets angry with me I completely shut down and I don’t know what to do.

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My partner lied to me and now I feel like I can't trust him/her.

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My partner cheated on me and I'll never be able to trust him/her again.

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I wish I could trust my partner, but he/she has lied to me so many times, I don't see how I can.

What's a Tapping Script?

A tapping script is a list of statements you can use when you're giving yourself an EFT session. One of the things I hear the most often from my clients is that when they're tapping on their own between sessions with me (which is optional, not required!), they don't know what to say. That's why tapping scripts can be so helpful. When you're using a script, just read it over, and notice how each statement makes you feel. Does the statement have an emotional charge for you? Do you feel sad, distressed, angry, or hurt when you read it? If so, that's a good statement for you to tap on, because it brings up a part of you that is hurt and in need of healing.  

When you're using a tapping script, you don't have to use all of the statements that feel charged for you. Just use the ones you feel drawn to. When you've tapped that one down to zero or near zero, move on to another statement. You can use another statement from the script, or you can use a statement that may have come to you while you were tapping out a previous statement. Just go with what feels right to you, and remember that there is no wrong way to do it. Take it easy, be gentle with yourself, and trust the process. As long as you are focused on something that is painful to you while you are tapping, healing is taking place. 

The statements in the scripts offered here can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. You may notice that when you start tapping on these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

How to Use EFT for First-Aid

Did you know that EFT is great for first aid? Just create a tapping statement out of the incident and injury, and tap until the pain, redness, swelling, brusing, and/or blistering begins to subside. I've used it successfully for emerging black eyes (and other large bruises), bee stings, deep cuts (pain stopped and cuts healed very quickly, within hours rather than days), burns, poison oak (itching and inflammation subsides while tapping), sprains, broken bones (pain relief after doctor visit), and more. I've seen burn blisters, bruises, and severe pain disappear within minutes. 

Here are some example tapping statements: 

"I fell and injured my arm."

"I got stung by a bee and it's inflamed and painful."

"I accidentally cut myself and now I have this painful gash."

"I got hit with a football and now I'm getting a black eye."

"Painful blister from burning my hand on the skillet."

When she was 11, my daughter cut herself so badly in woodworking class that not one but two of the other children in class threw up when they saw all the blood. A classmate  immediately did some tapping for her (yes, an 11-year-old who knew how to do EFT!), and I did more when I picked her up from school. After we finished tapping, she removed the bandage to show me the cuts, and they had healed so much that she had trouble finding them. Amazing, but true. We were both completely blown away.

Using EFT is not meant to be a substitute for medical care, but it can really speed up the healing process, and in some instances, make further treatment unnecessary.

How to Use EFT to Remove the Pain from Painful Memories

Are you hurting about an event from your past and are not quite sure how to release it with EFT? Here's an easy to follow list of steps to guide you through the process:

1) Name the memory. For example: My girlfriend cheated on me.

2) Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory.

3) Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement. In this example, it would be, "Even though my girlfriend cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

4) Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point.

5) Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My girlfriend cheated on me."

6) Tap through all the points one more time, while repeating the statement at each point. 

7) Now that you've tapped through the points twice, ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now? Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement. For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

8) At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement. Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one. Remember, you can always save the new statement for later. Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

9) Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My girlfriend cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it. You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already noticed it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory. The umbrella in the example here is "My girlfriend cheated on me." Other examples might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced." 

Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, sometimes this can be done in one tapping session, and other times it takes multiple sessions). So the beginning of the thread in this example is whatever the name of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of the memory that's ready to be released. Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told. Or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food that was cooking when the infidelity was discovered, or a song that was playing.  As these appear, just tap them out until they're neutral.  Soon you will have found and released every aspect of the painful memory, and it will no longer be painful, it will just be a memory, and you will be at peace with it.

Using Photos with EFT to Heal from Loss

One of the things I hear the most often from people who are new to EFT is that they don't know how to come up with effective tapping statements. Remember: the way that EFT works is by focusing on the issue while tapping. The tapping statements are simply a tool to keep you focused on the issue. One of the easiest ways to bring your feelings to the surface to be tapped out and released is to look at a picture of the person you're upset about it. 

So if, for example, you're grieving the loss of your husband, look at a picture of him and notice how you feel. What thoughts and feelings arise as you look at his face? Use whatever answers come to you in response to that question as tapping statements. For example: "When I look at his face, I feel so sad that he's gone. I can't believe I'll never get to see him or laugh with him again. I'm so sad that he won't get to see our kids grow up. I'm so sad that our kids lost their dad."

As you continue to look at the picture, ask yourself, "What do I miss the most about this person?" Then turn your answer to this question into tapping statements. If you lost your husband, looking a picture of him might bring up thoughts and feelings like: "I really miss the way he looked at me. No one will ever love me like that again. We were supposed to grow old together. I'll never get over this." Just take each of these, one by one, and tap them through. 

Grief doesn't have to last forever, though it's a common belief that it does and should. Grief is about mourning what we've lost, and releasing our attachment to it, not carrying the pain of that loss for the rest of our lives. I think that the reason for this widely held belief about the permanency of grief is that more often than not, it gets stuck in the body, and needs some way to be released. That's why EFT is so effective in healing grief. It unlocks the body, where the pain is stored, and clears it out. It is so simple, gentle, and quick. Grief that has been carried for decades can be released in one session, permanently. Poof!

While you're looking at a picture of your lost loved one, keep in mind that you can use the set-up where you feel it's necessary or helpful, or tap without it. Usually, though using a set-up statement is often very healing in and of itself, the tapping works just fine without it.

As you continue to use EFT to release your feelings of loss and sadness, you'll notice that looking at pictures of that person will feel lighter and lighter. The pain of grief will no longer overshadow your love for this person, and the gratitude you feel for having had them in your life. Until you reach a point where you really feel free of emotional pain when you think about the person you lost, you can use pictures as a kind of a litmus test to let you know where you are in your grieving process. Do you feel at peace when you look at this person? Or do feelings of sadness, anger, regret, or guilt come up? If painful emotions like these do arise, just tap them out. 

Though it can feel like your grief is infinite, there is an end to it. Think of it as being a glass of water. Every time you tap some of your grief away, it's like pouring out a little of the water, and that water is gone for good. The more you tap, the sooner that glass of grief will be empty.

When You Don't Feel Like Tapping

The pesky thing about EFT is that it only works if you do it. Those of us who have been tapping for awhile can attest to this frustrating fact. The thing is, even though tapping is so powerful, a lot of the times when we need it most, we don't do it. We tell ourselves we're too busy to tap right now, or we pretend the intense pain or stress we're feeling is no big deal, or, my personal favorite: "It won't help."  

Even though I have been doing EFT every single day for many years, and have experienced first-hand my share of EFT miracles, I still have that thought. And what I notice is that I only think that about my own stuff. No matter what issue a client comes to me with, no matter how violent or traumatic or horrific the experience was that they want to heal from, I feel confident that by the end of the session, that person will be permanently free from a good portion of it, if not all of it.  

But when I have an issue, something from my past or my present day life that is upsetting me and stressing me out, that's when that niggling thought arises: "It probably won't work. Why bother?" Why do I only have this thought about my own healing and not that of my clients? What is that? In a word, it's fear. Fear of going into the issue to heal it, when it's easier to avoid it (even though it's still causing you to suffer in the midst of your avoidance. Have you noticed?). Fear of releasing a chunk of our conditioning that we've come to think of as who we are. The ego gets very cagey at this prospect, and pulls all kinds of clever tricks to keep itself intact, unchanging, and forever in charge.  

God bless the ego! It is so innocent and fearful, thinking that if it can just control everything, it will be able to create some security for itself. And that's okay. That's just what egos do. A few years ago, a client said to me, "This is going to sound really weird, but doing EFT on my childhood makes me feel like I'm erasing myself. I realize that that sounds bad, but it's not. It's really, really good." I wholeheartedly agree with her. It is good! But let's face it, if there's one thing the ego doesn't want, it's to be erased! 

When you find yourself in this predicament of being in pain, knowing that EFT will help (while simultaneously asserting to yourself that it won't), and afraid to enter into your pain with your tapping fingers, just begin there. One of the things I love most about EFT is the way it allows you to meet yourself exactly where you are. So just start tapping the karate chop point and say to your sweet, hurting, frightened self: "Even though I don't want to tap on this issue (name whatever the issue is), I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know tapping on this issue won't help, so there's no reason to bother even trying, I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know there is no way that EFT will heal this issue--I've had it for too long, it's too big, it will never heal, and I will never change, I deeply and completely accept myself." 

Just keep tapping on statements like these until you feel comfortable moving more deeply into the issue. You'll know when it's time to get more specific, to tap on the heart of the matter, because you'll want to do it—your resistance to tapping on it will be gone. Until then, just work around the edges of your pain, tapping away whatever layers of doubt and resistance you may have. The tapping will release the inner barriers you have to healing your issue, and then, once those have been tapped away, the tapping will release the issue itself.  

Got questions or comments about this article? Post in the comments section below.

How to Use EFT to Clear a Painful Memory

You're hurting about something in your past, and you want to be free from it, but you're not quite sure how to release it with EFT.  Where to begin?  Here's an easy-to-follow bullet-pointed list (who doesn't love bullet points?) to guide you through.

• Name the memory.  For example: My girlfriend cheated on me.

• Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory

• Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement.  In this example, it would be, "Even though my girlfriend cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

• Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point (refer to Mona Lisa pic if you don't know where that is).

• Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My girlfriend cheated on me."

• Tap through all the points one more time, while repeating the statement at each point.  Now you've tapped through the points twice.

• Now ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now?  Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement.  For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

• At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement.  Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one.  Remember, you can always save the new statement for later.  Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

• Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My girlfriend cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it.  You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already realized it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory.  Other examples of memory umbrellas might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced."   

Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, this can be done in one tapping session, and sometimes it takes multiple sessions).  So the beginning of the thread in this example is whatever the title of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of that painful memory that's ready to be released.  Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told, or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food cooking when the infidelity was discovered.  

As always, be sure to let me know if you get stuck or have questions. heather@heatherambler@com ~ 650.465.4788 

Top Ten Reasons Why EFT Is the Best Thing Ever

10. You can use it to relieve the pain and swelling of a bee sting.

9. You can tap for poison oak or ivy and it will stop itching and oozing.

8. It can improve your golf score.

7. Tapping helps you learn and memorize things MUCH faster.

6. It can permanently free you from the pain of a traumatic memory.

5. It’s a potent stress reliever.

4. It clears away confusion and gives you clarity.

3. Tapping heals broken hearts.

2. Kids can use it to self soothe when they're feeling scared or sad.

1. When you tap about someone you feel hurt by, the hurting stops,

    and the grace of forgiveness effortlessly takes its place.