How to Do EFT

Here's a five-minute lesson on how to do the basics of EFT.

Now that you know how to tap, here are some written instructions so that you can take it to the next level:

EFT: The Basics

1) The set-up (the set-up is optional. I often skip it.): "Even though I'm upset/sad/angry about _________________, I deeply and completely accept myself." Recite the set-up three times while tapping the karate chop points together.

2) Tapping through the points: Go through the tapping sequence two times, while repeating your tapping statement at each point: "I'm upset because ______________." When you've done the sequence twice, evaluate how you feel. If the issue or pain is still present, go through another full round of the set-up and tapping, and/or move to another aspect of the same issue.

3) To find another aspect of the same issue, just go with how you're feeling. Helpful questions to determine your next tapping statement are:

What am I experiencing in relation to this issue/symptom now?

What thoughts and feelings are coming to me about this now?

If this symptom/issue had a color, what would it be? Then tap on that. For example: "This gray sadness in my belly."

If this issue or symptom had something to say to me, what would it be? Then tap on that. For example: "Even though this pain in my hand is saying 'I can't do this anymore', I deeply and completely accept myself."

Tapping Points
eyebrow
corner of the eye
beneath the eye
beneath the nose
chin
collar bone
beneath the arms
karate chop point
liver point (about 2 inches beneath the nipples/breasts)
heart (sternum) and crown of the head

If you have questions, as always, let me know in the comments section below. I'm here to help, and I'd love to hear from you!

Tapping Script for Relationship Issues

As is the case with all tapping scripts, these statements can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. Also, you may notice that when you start tapping on one of these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time, bringing you both peace and clarity about whatever it is that's causing you to suffer.

​

​Here are the tapping statements:

I’m upset because my partner and I had a fight.

​

I feel hopeless because my partner and I seem to be speaking different languages and neither of us can understand each other.

​

My partner isn’t listening to me and it’s really frustrating/aggravating/hurtful.

​

I don’t know what I did to upset my partner—I’m really at a loss here, and it’s scary.

​

I don’t want to fight with my partner, but we keep doing things that upset each other and I’m afraid that all of this conflict will be the end of us.

​

My partner really hurt my feelings but I don’t want to tell him/her because I’m afraid he/she won’t understand.

​

I’m really sad that my partner and I have been fighting; I wish we could just be happy and peaceful together.

​

My partner is so sensitive; I feel like I have to work really hard just to keep from upsetting him/her.

​

It seems like my partner really doesn’t care about my feelings, and I can’t stay in a relationship like that.

​

When my partner does/says ___________________________, I feel like he/she doesn’t really love me.

​

I feel really alone because my partner and I had a fight and now our connection seems broken.

​

I’m really angry at my partner because ______________________________.

​

I feel terrible because I said something really hurtful to my partner.

​

I feel guilty because I lost my temper with my partner.

​

When my partner and I fight, it makes me feel really sad and afraid.

​

I’m afraid my partner and I will never be able to overcome the issues that we have as a couple, and that makes me really sad.

​

I don’t understand why my partner does/says _________________________, and it’s really confusing and upsetting for me.

​

When my partner gets angry with me I completely shut down and I don’t know what to do.

​

My partner lied to me and now I feel like I can't trust him/her.

​

My partner cheated on me and I'll never be able to trust him/her again.

​

I wish I could trust my partner, but he/she has lied to me so many times, I don't see how I can.

Tapping Script to Heal from Losing Your Mother

As with all of my tapping scripts, these statements can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. You may notice that when you start tapping on these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

For a downloadable PDF of this tapping script, click here.

Here are the tapping statements: 

I'm overwhelmed with sadness because my mother died.

My mother died and I'll never get to see her again.

My mother died and I didn't get to say goodbye.

I wish I could have had more time with my mom.

My mom died and when I have kids she'll never get to meet them.

I wish there was something I could have done to save my mom.

I should have tried harder to save my mom.

I'm angry at God for taking my mother away from us.

My mom died when I was a kid and I had to grow up without her.

I would give anything to have my mom back.

I wish I could see my mom one last time and tell her how much I love her.

There are so many things I wish I'd said to my mom before she died.

No one will ever love me as much as my mom did.

I really miss my mom and I wish she was still here.

I'll always be sad about losing my mom.

I'm sad that my mom died before I got married.

My mom didn't live long enough to see her kids grow up, and that makes me really sad.

I wish my mom had lived long enough to realize her dreams.

I should have been a better daughter/son, and now it's too late.

The holidays are really hard without my mom.

I'm sad that my kids won't get to know my mom.

I'm sad that my mom never got to know my kids.

My mom loved me more than anyone else, and I really miss that kind of affection and support.

I wish my mom could be here to see what I've accomplished.

I still need my mom, but she's gone, and sometime that makes me feel like I have no one to turn to.

Sometimes when the phone rings, I think it's my mom, and then I remember it couldn't be, and the loss hits me all over again.

I'm really sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom before she died.

I wish my mom could have had a longer life--there was still so much she wanted to do, and I'm sad that she didn't get to.

My mom was the one I could always turn to for advice and support, and now that she's gone, I feel really alone.

I still can't believe that my mom is gone--it's like it won't sink in.

What's a Tapping Script?

A tapping script is a list of statements you can use when you're giving yourself an EFT session. One of the things I hear the most often from my clients is that when they're tapping on their own between sessions with me (which is optional, not required!), they don't know what to say. That's why tapping scripts can be so helpful. When you're using a script, just read it over, and notice how each statement makes you feel. Does the statement have an emotional charge for you? Do you feel sad, distressed, angry, or hurt when you read it? If so, that's a good statement for you to tap on, because it brings up a part of you that is hurt and in need of healing.  

When you're using a tapping script, you don't have to use all of the statements that feel charged for you. Just use the ones you feel drawn to. When you've tapped that one down to zero or near zero, move on to another statement. You can use another statement from the script, or you can use a statement that may have come to you while you were tapping out a previous statement. Just go with what feels right to you, and remember that there is no wrong way to do it. Take it easy, be gentle with yourself, and trust the process. As long as you are focused on something that is painful to you while you are tapping, healing is taking place. 

The statements in the scripts offered here can be used as is, or modified in any way that makes them resonate more fully with your experience. You may notice that when you start tapping on these statements, thoughts and feelings will arise that you can then turn into new tapping statements, which will then give rise to still more thoughts and feelings, which you can use to create additional tapping statements, and so on. I call this following the thread, and it’s a very efficient way to heal and release a lot of painful feelings in a short amount of time.

How to Use EFT for First-Aid

Did you know that EFT is great for first aid? Just create a tapping statement out of the incident and injury, and tap until the pain, redness, swelling, brusing, and/or blistering begins to subside. I've used it successfully for emerging black eyes (and other large bruises), bee stings, deep cuts (pain stopped and cuts healed very quickly, within hours rather than days), burns, poison oak (itching and inflammation subsides while tapping), sprains, broken bones (pain relief after doctor visit), and more. I've seen burn blisters, bruises, and severe pain disappear within minutes. 

Here are some example tapping statements: 

"I fell and injured my arm."

"I got stung by a bee and it's inflamed and painful."

"I accidentally cut myself and now I have this painful gash."

"I got hit with a football and now I'm getting a black eye."

"Painful blister from burning my hand on the skillet."

When she was 11, my daughter cut herself so badly in woodworking class that not one but two of the other children in class threw up when they saw all the blood. A classmate  immediately did some tapping for her (yes, an 11-year-old who knew how to do EFT!), and I did more when I picked her up from school. After we finished tapping, she removed the bandage to show me the cuts, and they had healed so much that she had trouble finding them. Amazing, but true. We were both completely blown away.

Using EFT is not meant to be a substitute for medical care, but it can really speed up the healing process, and in some instances, make further treatment unnecessary.

How to Use EFT to Remove the Pain from Painful Memories

Are you hurting about an event from your past and are not quite sure how to release it with EFT? Here's an easy to follow list of steps to guide you through the process:

1) Name the memory. For example: My girlfriend cheated on me.

2) Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory.

3) Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement. In this example, it would be, "Even though my girlfriend cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

4) Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point.

5) Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My girlfriend cheated on me."

6) Tap through all the points one more time, while repeating the statement at each point. 

7) Now that you've tapped through the points twice, ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now? Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement. For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

8) At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement. Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one. Remember, you can always save the new statement for later. Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

9) Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My girlfriend cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it. You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already noticed it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory. The umbrella in the example here is "My girlfriend cheated on me." Other examples might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced." 

Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, sometimes this can be done in one tapping session, and other times it takes multiple sessions). So the beginning of the thread in this example is whatever the name of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of the memory that's ready to be released. Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told. Or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food that was cooking when the infidelity was discovered, or a song that was playing.  As these appear, just tap them out until they're neutral.  Soon you will have found and released every aspect of the painful memory, and it will no longer be painful, it will just be a memory, and you will be at peace with it.

Using Photos with EFT to Heal from Loss

One of the things I hear the most often from people who are new to EFT is that they don't know how to come up with effective tapping statements. Remember: the way that EFT works is by focusing on the issue while tapping. The tapping statements are simply a tool to keep you focused on the issue. One of the easiest ways to bring your feelings to the surface to be tapped out and released is to look at a picture of the person you're upset about it. 

So if, for example, you're grieving the loss of your husband, look at a picture of him and notice how you feel. What thoughts and feelings arise as you look at his face? Use whatever answers come to you in response to that question as tapping statements. For example: "When I look at his face, I feel so sad that he's gone. I can't believe I'll never get to see him or laugh with him again. I'm so sad that he won't get to see our kids grow up. I'm so sad that our kids lost their dad."

As you continue to look at the picture, ask yourself, "What do I miss the most about this person?" Then turn your answer to this question into tapping statements. If you lost your husband, looking a picture of him might bring up thoughts and feelings like: "I really miss the way he looked at me. No one will ever love me like that again. We were supposed to grow old together. I'll never get over this." Just take each of these, one by one, and tap them through. 

Grief doesn't have to last forever, though it's a common belief that it does and should. Grief is about mourning what we've lost, and releasing our attachment to it, not carrying the pain of that loss for the rest of our lives. I think that the reason for this widely held belief about the permanency of grief is that more often than not, it gets stuck in the body, and needs some way to be released. That's why EFT is so effective in healing grief. It unlocks the body, where the pain is stored, and clears it out. It is so simple, gentle, and quick. Grief that has been carried for decades can be released in one session, permanently. Poof!

While you're looking at a picture of your lost loved one, keep in mind that you can use the set-up where you feel it's necessary or helpful, or tap without it. Usually, though using a set-up statement is often very healing in and of itself, the tapping works just fine without it.

As you continue to use EFT to release your feelings of loss and sadness, you'll notice that looking at pictures of that person will feel lighter and lighter. The pain of grief will no longer overshadow your love for this person, and the gratitude you feel for having had them in your life. Until you reach a point where you really feel free of emotional pain when you think about the person you lost, you can use pictures as a kind of a litmus test to let you know where you are in your grieving process. Do you feel at peace when you look at this person? Or do feelings of sadness, anger, regret, or guilt come up? If painful emotions like these do arise, just tap them out. 

Though it can feel like your grief is infinite, there is an end to it. Think of it as being a glass of water. Every time you tap some of your grief away, it's like pouring out a little of the water, and that water is gone for good. The more you tap, the sooner that glass of grief will be empty.

Five Things You Need to Give Yourself a Great EFT Session

Once you've learned the basics of EFT, you can give yourself a great (even life-changing) tapping session. However, oftentimes, when people set out to use EFT on their own, they just tap for a few minutes here and there when they're stressed-out, without giving themselves what they need to really go in-depth and get to the root of the issues that are causing them to suffer. Here are five things to ensure that the time you spend tapping is as healing as possible.

1. A Room of One's Own

Virginia Woolf really was onto something with this (and if she'd had EFT, perhaps her life would have turned out differently). When it's time to tap, make sure you have a comfortable place to sit or lie down where you won't be interrupted. Treat this time as you would any other appointment. In other words, this time is set aside for a certain purpose, and you are not available for anything else. Since this is an appointment with yourself, you don't have to schedule it ahead of time (though that wouldn't be a bad idea), but in every other regard, treat it as you would your calendared commitments.

2. The Sound of Silence

Turn off your phones (cell, landline, office phone, whatever). This is your time to heal. Would you want phones ringing (or any interruptions) while you were in a session with an EFT practitioner? The last thing you need when you're halfway through tapping out an EFT breakthrough is for your phone to ring.

3. Kleenex 

Get a box of tissues and put it next to where you'll be sitting. If you're really not a crier, meaning there is absolutely no chance you'll cry during your session, then skip this part, but if there's any possibility that tears will flow as you're tapping, best to be prepared so that you don't have to stop the flow of your session to get up for tissues.

4. Water 

Get a glass of water and put it next to where you'll be sitting. The body uses a lot of water during and after an EFT session, and the tapping isn't as effective if you're dehydrated, so be sure to drink a bit before you start and have some on hand if you get thirsty during the session. Almost all of my clients get thirsty during their sessions, and having water at the ready ensures that the tapping will be effective and the session will be as uninterrupted as possible.

5. Timer

Set a timer for 30 minutes. You can do more than 30 if you want, but it's not necessary. You'll be amazed by how much you can clear in a half-hour. If you don't want to do 30 minutes, do 20. Less than that could put you in the suboptimal position of your timer going off just when you feel like you've really gotten to a deep place with your tapping.

EFT is the most powerful healing modality I know of, but it only works if you do it, and it only works really well if you really do it, by giving yourself a real session. If you do this once a week, after one month, you will be amazed by how much you have healed and transformed in such a short time. And if you're really serious about this, give it a year, and watch the miracles unfold!

If you have questions or comments about this article, please post them in the comments section below. 

The Power of Doing EFT on Wishes and Wants

One of the best ways to identify parts of ourselves that need healing is to work with wishes and wants. Let's say you're giving yourself a session about your relationship with your partner. You're upset about a fight that you had, and want to clear out as much painful emotion and as many limiting beliefs as possible, but you're feeling stuck about exactly what to tap on. Ask yourself this: "If I could have anything in my relationship with my partner, what would it be? What do I WISH would happen here?" Be sure to allow yourself the inner spaciousness to receive answers that you think are impossible. 

Remember, EFT is not about what's possible, and it's not about facts, it's about your emotional truth, and if that truth hurts, tapping it out. So if your emotional truth is: "I wish my wife would appreciate how hard I work to support our family" and when you say that out loud (or just think it), you experience an emotional charge, then that is a good statement for you to tap on. 

Simply asking yourself the question "What do I wish would happen in this situation?" enables you to identify a place inside yourself that hurts and needs healing, and this can lead to other powerful tapping statements, such as, "My wife will never appreciate how hard I work to support our family." So once you've tapped out the first statement about wishing she would appreciate you down to zero or close to zero, if the similar statement "She'll never appreciate how hard I work..." stil has a charge to it, then tap on that next. Most likely, the session will continue to unfold organically like that, with one statement naturally leading to another and then another. However, if it doesn't and you find yourself getting stuck, just ask yourself the same question: What do I wish would happen here? 

If the word "wish" doesn't resonate with you about a particular issue, then use the word "want", and ask yourself "What do I want in this situation?" or "What do I want from this person?" Then notice the thread that emerges when the answers to those questions arise within you, and follow it until you feel that you feel that the issue you're tapping on is totally healed, or until you've tapped out and healed as much as you can in the time you've allotted yourself for the session.

Working with wishes and wants works just as well for the past circumstances, like your childhood, as it does for aspects of your life that are still going on in the present, like your current relationships. For example, if you're working to heal the from the childhood trauma of your parents splitting up, ask yourself: "What do I wish had happened in this situation?" Perhaps your answer would be: "I wish my parents had never gotten a divorce", or "I wish my parents had had a happy marriage." Then you notice how you feel when you say or think these statements, and if it hurts, tap on it until it doesn't hurt anymore.

This way of using EFT has five basic steps: 

1) Ask yourself one of the following questions: What do I wish had happened? What do I wish would happen? What do I wish I had in this situation? What do I really want? If I could have anything in this situation/relationship/job/etc., what would it be?

2) Notice whatever answers are coming to you in response to that question

3) Ask yourself: How do I feel when I speak or think these answers? 

4) Tap out any answer that hurts when you think or say it out loud.  

5) Follow the thread that emerges, tapping as you go, i.e. notice how one tapping statement naturally leads to another and then another.  If you get stuck, ask yourself one of the questions from above.

An important thing to note is that we're not tapping on wishes and wants to make them go away, we're tapping on them because they hurt. So after you tap down a "wish statement" to neutral or nearly neutral, you may still have that wish, only it won't hurt anymore when you think about it. Again, this is all about your emotional truth, and your healing. Wishes and wants are wonderful things, and they're even more wonderful when they're not causing pain inside you!

Asking yourself about wishes and wants is a great way to begin any EFT session, and it can also be a really helpful tool to reach for when you're already in the middle of a session and you're not sure what to tap on next. We all have wishes and wants inside us, and identifying them can be a very effective way to discover the parts of ourselves that are hurting and ready to be healed.

If you have questions or comments about this article, please post them in the comments section below.

When You Don't Feel Like Tapping

The pesky thing about EFT is that it only works if you do it. Those of us who have been tapping for awhile can attest to this frustrating fact. The thing is, even though tapping is so powerful, a lot of the times when we need it most, we don't do it. We tell ourselves we're too busy to tap right now, or we pretend the intense pain or stress we're feeling is no big deal, or, my personal favorite: "It won't help."  

Even though I have been doing EFT every single day for many years, and have experienced first-hand my share of EFT miracles, I still have that thought. And what I notice is that I only think that about my own stuff. No matter what issue a client comes to me with, no matter how violent or traumatic or horrific the experience was that they want to heal from, I feel confident that by the end of the session, that person will be permanently free from a good portion of it, if not all of it.  

But when I have an issue, something from my past or my present day life that is upsetting me and stressing me out, that's when that niggling thought arises: "It probably won't work. Why bother?" Why do I only have this thought about my own healing and not that of my clients? What is that? In a word, it's fear. Fear of going into the issue to heal it, when it's easier to avoid it (even though it's still causing you to suffer in the midst of your avoidance. Have you noticed?). Fear of releasing a chunk of our conditioning that we've come to think of as who we are. The ego gets very cagey at this prospect, and pulls all kinds of clever tricks to keep itself intact, unchanging, and forever in charge.  

God bless the ego! It is so innocent and fearful, thinking that if it can just control everything, it will be able to create some security for itself. And that's okay. That's just what egos do. A few years ago, a client said to me, "This is going to sound really weird, but doing EFT on my childhood makes me feel like I'm erasing myself. I realize that that sounds bad, but it's not. It's really, really good." I wholeheartedly agree with her. It is good! But let's face it, if there's one thing the ego doesn't want, it's to be erased! 

When you find yourself in this predicament of being in pain, knowing that EFT will help (while simultaneously asserting to yourself that it won't), and afraid to enter into your pain with your tapping fingers, just begin there. One of the things I love most about EFT is the way it allows you to meet yourself exactly where you are. So just start tapping the karate chop point and say to your sweet, hurting, frightened self: "Even though I don't want to tap on this issue (name whatever the issue is), I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know tapping on this issue won't help, so there's no reason to bother even trying, I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know there is no way that EFT will heal this issue--I've had it for too long, it's too big, it will never heal, and I will never change, I deeply and completely accept myself." 

Just keep tapping on statements like these until you feel comfortable moving more deeply into the issue. You'll know when it's time to get more specific, to tap on the heart of the matter, because you'll want to do it—your resistance to tapping on it will be gone. Until then, just work around the edges of your pain, tapping away whatever layers of doubt and resistance you may have. The tapping will release the inner barriers you have to healing your issue, and then, once those have been tapped away, the tapping will release the issue itself.  

Got questions or comments about this article? Post in the comments section below.

EFT for Healing Anger

One of the most powerful ways to use EFT to release anger and hurt feelings about a relationship is to create tapping statements out of what you would like to say to this person, and then tap these statements through until they feel neutral. For example, "Joe, I'm really angry and hurt because I needed you to listen to me, and you ignored me instead." When doing this kind of EFT, allow yourself to give voice to how you're really feeling, even if it sounds petty, mean, or childish. Meet yourself where you are, and tap yourself free from the painful emotions you're carrying about what happened. 

This is a great opportunity to say things that wouldn't be wise or helpful to actually say to the person. Instead, similar to writing a letter that you would never mail, you say out loud, as though you were really speaking to the person, what you are feeling, no matter how accusatory, victimey, or hurtful. Tell it like it is, and tap yourself free! Just be sure to keep tapping through the points as you pour your heart out. Very powerful!

You can use this technique with anyone, living or dead. Just think of the person you're feeling badly about, and ask yourself: "How am I feeling about this person? If I could say anything to him/her, with no fear of consequences like hurting them or causing further problems, what would I say?" When the answers to these questions come, start saying them outloud while tapping through the points. Repeat the same statement over and over again until it feels neutral. For example: "I can't believe you did that to me. How could you?" When that one's clear, another one will likely arise in its place, such as: "I really needed you to stand up for me, and you didn't." Just tap that one through, and continue on with each statement that arises until you feel like the session is complete.  

With some relationships, there can be years and years worth of hurt feelings, so just do as much as feels comfortable to you, and then come back to it another day.  Remember that whatever you released is gone for good, and though it can seem like an endless amount of "stuff", it's not.  But don't take my word for it--just keep tapping, and you'll see for yourself.

As always, let me know if you get stuck, or if you have any questions.

heather@heatherambler.com ~ 650.465.4788